I need to perfect the tag line of my upcoming novel Alorya. Can you help me decide which one to go with?
1 - You are the father of a child, evil incarnate, prophesized to commit genocide. What do you do?
2 - What would you do if your son was prophesized to be an evil tyrant responsible for the next great genocide?
3 - If you knew your son was prophesized to slaughter half of the world’s population, what would you do?
4 - A child, evil incarnate, is prophesized to commit genocide. You are his father. What would you do?
Comment with your suggestions too! I will go with whichever garners the most support.
- As suggested by J.J. Lancer
5 - Your son is prophesied to commit genocide. What would you do?
I liked number 2 or 4. Number 4 needs a comma after incarnate (noun of direct address).
ReplyDeleteI think all 4 options are too long-winded to be taglines. Out of the 4, I think the 4th option is the best, but I think it could still use some work.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion (I have no credentials) is that you should take #4 and work on cutting out the redundancy. Cut it down to as few words as possible.
For one thing, you can eliminate "You are his father" by saying "Your son." "Father" isn't really a critical detail for the reader. Also, I think "prophesized" should be "prophesied" (not 100% sure on that).
My suggestion:
"Your child is evil incarnate, prophesied to commit genocide. What would you do?"
Take what I say with a grain of salt! :) Good luck on creating the best tagline.
1 - You are the father of a child, evil incarnate, prophesized to commit genocide. What do you do?
ReplyDelete#1
ReplyDeleteI like #2, but it could be shortened. It's hard for me to shorten anything I do. But how about this......
ReplyDelete"What if your son was prophesied to be the evil responsible for the next great genocide?"